Nina’s Story: The Early Signs of Domestic Abuse

This story is purely fictional and is not intended to represent a real family. Any similarities between this family and a real life family are purely coincidental. This is Part 2 of a series. For Part 1, click here.

Friday, October 24

Dear Diary,

Well I told Mummy and Baba about Rakesh tonight. They were surprisingly cool with it. Of course they freaked out at first and Mummy’s first question was, “Are you going to marry him?”It took a while to explain to them what a boyfriend meant and I had to keep reminding them that I’m only 20. I still have to finish college, go to grad school and get a job before I even consider getting married! Mummy was asking all of the questions and Baba naturally was really quiet. I don’t think he expected it and was trying to wrap his head around it. I think Mummy was really worried about not knowing him and was asking so many questions about his family. Like knowing about his family is going to tell you about him! LOL!

After like 15 minutes of interrogation from Mummy, Baba just asked two questions: Is he a good person and does he make me happy? I said yes to both and they both said ok. They just want to meet him ASAP, which is so freaky! And of course they had the whole, “Don’t do anything stupid” speech too. But then they just let it go and we had a good dinner! I’m still shocked about it but hey I’m not complaining.

I called him just now and told him how it went and he was so happy. God, I really like him! Just to hear his voice…it just melted me! I can’t believe our 6 month anniversary is coming up in a few days. I think he’s planning something really romantic!

You know the thing I love about him, is that he’s so charming. You don’t see that in guys anymore, not at my college anyway. He opens doors, plans all our dates, he even dresses up so nicely!

He’s so cute too. The other day I was at dance practice and he showed up to surprise me! He saw that I was dancing with this other guy and after the practice he hugged me really tight and said “I don’t like seeing you with another guy. I want you all to myself.” It was so cute! It’s nice to see a guy get jealous over you. Then you know he really cares. I think he might tell me he loves me on our anniversary! Oh my god what if he’s the one??

Excited, Nina

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Monday. November 3

Dear Diary,

Things with Rakesh are going so great! Our 6 month anniversary was incredible! He picked me up at my apartment and brought me two dozen red roses! He borrowed his roommate’s car and took me to this amazing restaurant downtown where we had a pre fixe menu for dinner! During the dessert course, he gave me this gorgeous bracelet. I was so shocked I just stared at it. It’s silver with cubic zirconia and rubies. He said he did it because he knows that I’m the one for him and then he told me he loved me! Aaah! I knew it! I said it back too of course. I can’t believe it! What if we get married someday? I’ve just been on cloud nine since!

south asian friends

But I don’t have all good news. I had a weird conversation with Anjani a couple of weeks ago. She was complaining that she never sees me anymore. I get what she’s saying because we did used to hang out all the time. We had dedicated Thursday nights as our nights. We’d go to dinner and then go to one of our apartments and watch The Office! But now I hardly see her. I told her that I miss hanging out too but that she has to be more understanding. I have a boyfriend and we’re getting serious. I don’t think she can expect that our friendship can’t change at all.

Rakesh and I are trying to find as much time as we can together so we can get to know each other. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with sitting with him in the engineering lab doing my homework. I have to do it anyway, might as well do it near him so we can chat and hang out while working. And we can’t really do that with friends around. It’s better to be one-on-one to really see if this relationship can go anywhere.

The thing that sucked the most to hear from Anjani was that she thinks I’ve changed since I’ve met him and she’s worried about me. She says that she of all people would know since she’s known me for almost 15 years. She thinks I have less of my own opinions and that I just go along with what he says more than standing up for what I want. She just doesn’t get that when you’re in a relationship, it’s not about you or him anymore it’s about both of you. So what if I think what he says is right? If I didn’t, I’d say something. It’s been weird with her since. I haven’t talked to her in a week and that’s a record since probably junior high. Maybe once she gets a boyfriend she’ll understand.

Annoyed, Nina

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Wednesday, December 17

Dear Diary,

I have had the weirdest week and I don’t know what to make of it. I thought more about what Anjani said and so I planned a friend’s dinner last night before everyone leaves to go home for winter break so everyone could meet Rakesh. I told him about it and he said that he preferred just hanging out the two of us. I thought that was so sweet! But I didn’t get why he was being so stubborn about it. I had to basically drag him to come to the dinner. It was our first argument type thing. Sad smile

At the restaurant he was just not into it. He wouldn’t really make conversation and looked like he wasn’t having a great time. I tried to get him to be more comfortable and he wasn’t the only guy there. Rachna’s boyfriend came and Seema’s brother was in town so he also came. But he just wasn’t interested.

And then the weirdest thing happened. I started talking to Jay, Seema’s brother, and Rakesh grabbed my hand and held it on the table. I thought he was just being romantic and sweet so I looked over at him to smile and he looked so uncomfortable and kind of mad at me. I asked if he was ok and he just said he wanted to leave. I just smiled and didn’t say anything but it was so weird.

Anjani and I went to the bathroom before the food came and she asked how things are going. I said they were fine but that Rakesh must have been tired from finals or something and wasn’t in a good mood. She didn’t say anything else but I knew she didn’t like him. I don’t get why she’s so judgmental! I thought she was my friend.

So we finally left the dinner and Rakesh was being weird on the way home so I just stayed quiet to not make him more upset. Out of the blue, he said that he wants me to meet his parents. I was shocked because it seemed so impulsive! We decided to wait to do the meet the parents thing until we felt like we were it for each other so I was surprised it came so soon. But I’m super excited because that means we’re getting serious!

Then, he said he wanted to do it tomorrow (Thursday) night. I freaked out because that didn’t give me enough time to figure out a “meet the parents” outfit! And his response was, “Don’t worry about it. I’ll tell you what you should wear.” It wasn’t like he was complimenting me that I look good in anything but more like he actually wanted to pick my outfit. So tonight he came over and said that he wants me to wear a dress so I look more feminine and 1 inch heels so that I look tall but not too tall. And! He said not to wear my hair in a ponytail anymore, which is how I always wear my hair!

He didn’t stay long and after he left I had such a weird feeling. I know he must be stressed for the parent meeting, God knows I am! But it was such a strange conversation and he seemed so serious and almost demanding about it. And what’s up with telling me I can’t wear a ponytail anymore? I’m not listening to that.

I called Anjani and told her what happened. She said that she could either tell me what I wanted to hear or what she actually thought, which I thought was a weird question to ask. Why wouldn’t I want to know what she thinks? That’s why I called her! She said that she thinks Rakesh is really controlling. She even pointed out that when were out to dinner, anytime I talked to any of the guys or if I got too excited about something he’d grab my hand. I told her it was just out of love but she said otherwise. I don’t think she’s right and she doesn’t know him like I know him. But is there a chance that maybe I’m missing something? My head is spinning. I don’t know what to make of this.

Confused, Nina


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