Top 9 Red Flags In Dating

imageMost of the time when relationships don’t work out, hindsight provides a perspective that you desperately wish you had during the relationship itself. However, that perspective is entirely possible to achieve while still dating the person if you are well informed of the most common red flags that are often overlooked.

1. Treating others poorly. Does your partner treat his/her family with disrespect? Does he/she mistreat the dog? Does your partner lose their temper when an order at the restaurant does not come correctly? How they treat others is a good indicator, especially as you’re getting to know them in the beginning, of how they will treat you once the honeymoon period is over. If you do not like how they treat others on a consistent basis, it is a sign that you should reconsider the relationship.

2. Fighting unfairly. If your partner criticizes you regularly, shows you contempt when they are mad, or engages in passive-aggressive communication, they are not fighting with you fairly. While arguments are unavoidable in any relationship, fighting fair should be an expectation that you have of your partner to ensure that they show you respect even if they are angry. If you notice your partner always diverting the conversation away from them, always has excuses for their behavior or blames you for why things go wrong, it is a sign your partner is not a healthy communicator. If they are not willing to change or be open to learning better communication skills, you will be best served leaving the relationship.

3. Unhealthy conflict resolution styles. There are three basic conflict management styles and the best relationships and most of the time if the resolution styles between partners is different, unhealthy relationship patterns can ensue. The only exception to this is if both people tend to avoid conflict. In the short term, it will make the relationship seem smooth and easy; however neither partner is learning skills on how to communicate when life changing decisions have to be made. If your conflict resolution styles are different and you find yourself getting into arguments a lot, it is a sign that your future will include significant amount of arguments as well.

4. Technology trumps real conversations. With the increased dependence on social media, instant messaging and texting, it has become easier for people to avoid real conversations. If the person you are dating prefers communication via such impersonal channels over face to face or phone conversations, it is a signal to you that they probably lack strong communication skills or are not very invested in the relationship.

5. Afraid of commitment. One of the most deleterious qualities for a relationship is a fear of commitment. If your partner shows signs of commitment issues, such as having unrealistic expectations, trying to sabotage your relationship or avoiding conversations about your future, it is a big red flag that the relationship is fraught from the start.

6. Relationship is not a priority. If your partner prefers to spend time with friends, have group dates, or schedules your time together around other activities or work on a regular basis, it is a sign that the relationship is not a priority for them, for a variety of reasons. This can be especially problematic if you are making changes in your life to make room for the relationship, leaving room for resentment to build. If the relationship is a priority to you but not you partner, you will be best served to leave the relationship early before either of you get hurt.

7. Controlling behaviors. Domestic violence begins with subtle controlling behaviors and can be exhibited by either gender. If your partner tries to limit your contact with certain people or in general tries to control your behaviors, wardrobe or other aspects of your life, they are signs that the behavior will become worse as your relationship progresses. These are the biggest red flag signs that you should leave the relationship immediately.

8. Reminds you of your ex. If your current partner reminds you of your ex in behaviors, conflict resolution style or in the problems that the two of you share, it is likely that you are stuck in a cycle of dating the same types of people. It is best to leave this relationship early to avoid any of the pains and hurt that you experienced in past similar relationships.

9. Something doesn’t feel right. Despite trying your best at a relationship if you are repeatedly feeling as if something is wrong but you can’t pinpoint the problem, it is likely your gut is picking up on a red flag in the relationship. Sometimes, red flags can be so subtle that it is difficult to verbalize exactly what the problem is. If you find yourself asking your friends or searching online if certain behaviors or feelings in a relationship are normal, it is very likely something is wrong. If your partner is not willing or able to improve on the relationship despite your dissatisfaction, it is best to leave and find a better suited partner for yourself.

While it is not advised to throw away a relationship at the first sign of most red flags (except for controlling and pre-abusive behaviors), it is even less advised to make excuses for emerging patterns as well. If you identify any of the above mentioned red flags, consider leaving the relationship sooner rather than later so that you can make a clean break with minimal pain to each of you.

What are other red flags that you have noticed in relationships? Please leave your comments below.

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